I feel resentful towards A. The only reason I was looking at jobs in Florida was because he wanted to move there. Once I found the VB job I was super excited about it, and ready for a change, but then it didn't work out and I got stuck scrambling for my next move. Yes, it's my fault for proactively telling landlords I MIGHT be moving, but then ever since then it's been a sense of me being on my own. If you are in a relationship you should be a TEAM, and supportive of one another. I feel like I've been making all these decisions as if I'm a single person, with no regard to how it affects him. And if that's the case why the hell are we together? Its giving me the push I need to make a change, but it's upending my life while his stays the same.
I had been planning to go to Spain in September, have been saving money for over a year. Now that has to be put on hold- bc I'm starting a new job and/or will need to use that money towards a car, moving, etc. Leaving my current job, where I have a ton of security, make good money, have a ton of vacation time, is scary. I'm not second guessing myself- the idea of staying here through the fall/for another lacrosse season fills me with dread- but knowing that I'm most likely going to to take a cut in salary/benefits and likely not be able to go to Spain/have the financial stability I'm used to is frustrating.
And then of course I ride my bike past the homeless shelter on the way to work, and I start to feel guilty feeling this way. I have a job, and/or can find another, I have savings, people who support me, I'm luckier than a lot of people out there. But I still can't seem to shake this feeling.
